When your family fights, it's easy to assume that there's a problem. It may not be the fact that you disagree that's a difficulty, so much as the way you go about it.
Fighting that doesn't hurt anyone can be healthy. It gets feelings out into the open where you can deal with them. Hiding or overcoming feelings can be difficult and tiring work. It might avoid conflict, but it's unlikely to change the situation the feelings come from.
Sometimes you fear that fighting will put a valued relationship at risk. Yet sitting on the feelings that are urging you to fight is also a risk. It can build up frustrations and resentment. If you keep your feelings a secret, then your family don't get the chance to change, or to explain, or to comfort or understand you.
The way you deal with conflict is tied up with your own self-esteem, the genuine positive regard you have for the other person, and mutual commitment to a relationship. Where these things are not strong, no amount of careful fighting and following the 'rules' to resolve conflict will work.
So what do you do when you're fighting with people you care about? You need to fight in a way that helps you to reach an understanding of how everyone in the situation feels and what everyone wants.
Take time out to think over the problem and clarify your thinking, your feelings, and the questions you have about the situation. Choose a time and place to discuss it where you won't be interrupted or distracted. You might want to make the time in advance so other people also have a chance to prepare and don't feel ambushed.
It's also important to use "I" statements. This helps the other person to understand your point of view. It also helps to keep you focused on what you know about, which is what you feel. It helps you to avoid blaming someone else, which doesn't usually help reach an understanding.
In the process of negotiating your way through conflict you need to make sure that you don't inflame the situation by using aggressive behaviour. It won't help the other person to understand your point of view if it is couched in threats and angry language.
If a person uses aggressive body language, hands on hips, a wagging finger, or stands over you, you are likely to react defensively. Add to that an aggressive tone of voice, the threat, the snarl, and the situation becomes worse. You feel attacked, and instead of trying to listen and understand, you start to defend yourselves, maybe by attacking in return.
Finding common ground is a good way to help defuse a volatile situation. It can really help if you look for the things that the different people involved in the conflict already agree on and use that agreement as the basis for discussing differences.
Having different points of view, different ideas and feelings doesn't have to be a major stumbling block for a family. Respecting each other's differences is the key. You can show that respect by making space for everyone to speak, listening to each other without interruption, and taking the time to find a way forward that works for everyone.